Sunday, October 08, 2006


My husband is smirking right this very instant. He has long since told me that I need to 'mentally toughen up'. OK, so I admit it. Chad, you are right. You are the god of mental toughness & I am a wussie.

I really want to stop walking when I don't really have to. It's just that it's so EASY to walk. I tell myself, keep going. Then I stop. It's like my legs have a mind of their own. No, I am not going to cop out. I say, keep going. Then immediately, I tell them this is too hard. Then I walk.

Not only that, I have not even put my little pinkie toe in a pool since August 17th. I try to tell myself that I'm spooked about the almost drowning bit. But, really, I think it has more to do with the fact that it's hard & I am a quitter. I want it to be easier, but after 3 months of doing hard in front of the entire internet (OK, maybe 10 ppl read this, but I can dream), I want to look like a champ! So, I don't even try.

Susan tells me that I'm always too hard on myself, which I eagerly agree at the time. But, really is that more of my quitterness in my subconscious telling me that if it doesn't come easily then I should do something that I'm really good at? Like reading? Scrabble? Softball? Volleyball? (see a trend? I do things that don't really require a lot of movement.)

I want to do a Total Immersion swimming clinic. It is just too damn expensive. I think that if I were actually GOOD at it, then I would enjoy it more, then I would do it more. Then my quitterness wouldn't have a chance to squash the activity.

Not only am I a quitter. I also don't like a hassle. That's my Dad talking there. He completely has trained me that if it is too much of a hassle, then I shouldn't do it. I try not to blame things on my parents/family because that's so New Age bullshit. But, truly, that's how it is this time. Ask Chad, he'll tell you that I am preaching the truth here. For example, (you're going to laugh at me) I didn't get my driver's license until I was 19 because going to the driver's ed course was too much trouble, it was waaaay across town in Broad Ripple & I live on the west side. There were others, but I didn't know about them. Why, you ask. Because (let's say it together class) it was a hassle!

So why am I doing this? Why am I out there running, when I really stink at it, it's a hassle to get away from the kids, and it hurts? Why did I do the triathlon, when obviously I am a couch potato? Furthermore, how do I continue on this path?


LeahC said...

girl we have ALL been there. When I talk to you about running or swimming or biking you start talking real fast and get super excited about it. i don't know if i have ever seen you more excited about anything (i'm not including kids because that's obviously way cooler than running....and the pushing is probably more painful ;-) )

Just stick with it. It's not going to come over night, it's going to be a slow process of having an awesome run run week to not being able to walk the next. You won't quit this, I think you like it too much.

One idea.....say you walk 5 times during a 5 mile loop or whatever. The next time you run it try to walk 4 times, and do that for the next x amount of times you do that loop. When you feel strong with that, go down to 3 walking breaks. Let yourself walk because it IS hard and you are just starting. Your body has to get stronger to sustain the distance. If you give yourself a number, it gives you something to beat on the next run and something to think about while you are running, "I'm tired and want to walk, but if I just make it to the next street I can walk then".

Just an Idea.

(you might think you are a quitter, but you are by far one of the toughest people I know)

Jason said...

I've totally been there. When I first started running I would always fall behind Leah because running was hard. I just wasn't every mentally tough.

It takes a little while, I think, especially for those of us who aren't natural atheletes. Eventually I got over the hump and can now run as long as I want, but it took me two years (or so) to really find running easy-ish.

Just keep at it and you'll get there. If you think that you're a quitter, use that as motivation to change. Nobody wants to have to admit to themselves that they're quitters, I know I didn't.

Remember: if it was easy, everyone would do it.

Brooke said...

DON'T GIVE UP! it just sounds like you are burned out, questioning yourself & maybe need to take a break for a while. When you start back up, you will kicking butt!!

Chris said...

Your searching because there is more to you than a couch to sit on or a routine that bores you most of the time.

Your not a quitter. Your just not where you want to be yet. The path your on is leading you there.

Anonymous said...

Bridgette, I don't normally say something like this but "Suck it up!"

Okay, you don't have to swim. You don't have to run. You don't even have to cycle. But you must do SOMETHING!

At your age, it's easy to get caught up in day-to-day responsibilities like parenting and working. And it's easy to use these responsibilities and life's "hassles" as an excuse for not getting out there and doing something. If you eat reasonably well (e.g. the four food groups) this lack of activity probably won't catch up to you until you hit about 30 or 31. After that, you'll probably find that your body will quickly start breaking down.

You'll suddenly find bulges where there were none. You'll notice all kinds of creaks and popping sounds eminating from your knees, ankles, hips and other joints. Things like housework and mowing the lawn will suddenly seem difficult. When the elevator at work goes on the fritz, it will take your breath away just to walk a few flights of stairs.

You think exercise is a hassle? Just wait until you enter your 30's if you haven't been a regular exerciser. Then you can REALLY talk about hassles. Even carrying a two bags of groceries will be a hassle.

Believe me, this can happen quickly to a 30-something. It happened to me because in my mid-to-late twenties, I told myself that I was too busy to exercise regularly.

Keep exercising three days a week now and you'll build a habit that will last a lifetime.

Why do it? Because the alternative is a bigger hassle and because you care about your family and you want to be healthy so you can be there for them until you're very old and very gray. That's why!

If you're good at a sport like volleyball and you enjoy it more than running, then do volleyball. Just because your blog-sisters run, doesn't mean you have to.

Swimming is too hard? Perhaps, but it takes a long time to become a decent swimmer -- at least a season or two. Patience, young Skywalker, patience. It will come if you stick with it. The reward is that you will learn a low-impact sport that you can do well into old age. The only possible chance of injury is to your shoulders. But if you mix lots of backstroke with your freestyle, and you do occassional rotator cuff dumbbell exercises, you'll be okay.

I'm out...